Some people are just a (S)pain in the Ass!

This past week has passed in a blur. Everyday is similar, only the tips are different. Good waitresses are seen and not heard, however, I do not know whose food belongs to who so I (a mere plebeian amongst bourgeoisie) must interrupt their ever so important conversation to ask. I chagrin to be a tad subservient to these twits, but money talks (or doesn't).

We had a staff party and there was much pearl clutching. Some of the waitresses at the other restaurants/pubs were wearing skirts so short that you could be a wildlife photographer. I try to not judge someone based upon sartorial choices, but it is inappropriate to dress like that at any work event no? I chalk up this lack of oversight to the age of most of these people (18-19). I somehow feel like a grandmother in comparison. Oh WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!

Today is the day that Philip II was proclaimed King of Spain in 1556, upon the abdication of his father, Charles V the Holy Roman Emperor. In this section, I am merely going to focus upon his familial relationships as to talk about his reign would cause me in talking forever, and you know how much I loathe that :P

Philip II of Spain, Portugal, Naples, and Sicily

Philip II was the first son born to Charles V of the Holy Roman Empire and Isabella of Portugal in Valladoid, Spain. His father was emperor of one of the largest dominions in the contemporary world, and after years of ruling he abdicated in 1556. He reigned over Spain for over 42 years and thus had a large legacy.

Philip I was first married to Maria Manuela of Portugal, his double first cousin, who gave him his first son, Don Carlos of Asturias, but she died in childbirth in 1445. Carlos was a very unstable child, which is possibly a resultant of the inbreeding that would plague the Spanish Hapsburgs for proceeding centuries. His exploits were stuff of legend, and his father feared for the Spanish crown. He was proposed to marry Elisabeth of Valois, but due to his issues, she was married to Philip II instead. His sadism even shocked the rather austere Spanish court, whom considered auto de fe entertainment. He was known to burn animals alive and tried to rape courtier women. His father had him imprisoned, ostensibly because he was trying to escape to the Netherlands, and he died six months later in confinement. It was oft said that his father arranged to have him poisoned, but it was a frequent accusation thrown in that time. Carlos had particularly bad mood swings, and would wage hunger strikes and then binge on food.

In 1553, Mary Tudor was crowned the Queen of England and a proper husband was sought for the thirty seven year old Catholic virgin. She had remained unmarried until this point through no fault of her own, her father had bastardized her and refused to acknowledge her rights and claims until 1547, however her position was still tenuous due to her rabidly Protestant half-brothers reign. Mary Tudor reportedly fell in love with Philip at the sight of his portrait. Philip, a young twenty six year old, was less than enthused, and this marriage was purely political for him. To elevate Philip to his wife's rank, Charles V relinquished the crown of Sicily and claims to Jerusalem. So upon his marriage, Philip was a king of Sicily. This marriage lasted less than four years, and more time was spent apart ruling their own domains. Philip was seen to treat Mary rather callously, and as a result Mary was heartbroken and upon her death it was said that you will find "(the loss of) Calais and Philip engraved upon her heart".

In 1559, Philip married Elisabeth of Valois, the daughter of Henry II and Catherine de Medici. Elisabeth was originally intended for his son, Don Carlos, but due to his apparent instability and the death of his own wife, Philip married her for himself. Despite the age difference of 18 years, Philip was enamoured with his young wife, and had reportedly given up his mistresses. She had given birth to five children, only which two survived to adulthood, Isabella Clara of Spain (1566-1633) and Catherine Michele of Spain (1567-1597). Unfortunately, her last pregnancy ended in miscarriage and the baby and Elisabeth died in 1568.

Philip's fourth and last wife was his niece, Anna of Austria. This marital relation would become a bit of a habit for future descendants resulting in Charles II. By most accounts, Anna and Philip had a very good marriage and were reportedly were very happy with one another. She gave birth to five children, and died when giving birth to the last one in 1580. Unfortunately, only one of her children reached adulthood, Philip III (1578-1621). Though Philip did not die until 1598, he did not remarry.